


Game Off

by pipisafoat



Series: Abby Lyman [5]
Category: The West Wing
Genre: Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Anxiety Disorder, Canon Disabled Character, Disability, Disabled Character, Gen, Panic Attacks, Post-Traumatic Stress Disorder - PTSD, invisible disability
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-04-19
Updated: 2018-04-19
Packaged: 2019-04-25 04:39:47
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,185
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14371101
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/pipisafoat/pseuds/pipisafoat
Summary: "We play the same game in this building, but some things aren’t part of that. The game is off right now."





	Game Off

**Author's Note:**

> Content notes: Graphic description of the beginnings of a panic attack and/or anger reaction, PTSD. No description of triggers, violence, the body of the reaction.

She’s taking notes when it happens. They’ve made it through three congressmen and a senator - well, they’re still in with the senator - and Donna had actually started to hope that they could make it through the whole day without an incident. However, Josh’s brain seems to have other ideas; he’s suddenly tense head to toe, eyes scanning the room, attention everywhere but on the meeting. She has no idea what the trigger was this time, so as she reaches out with her left hand to get his attention on the fact that he’s hypervigilant if not back to the meeting itself, she jots down every sight, sound, and smell she can remember from the past few minutes. _White male aide wearing cologne_ is scribbled hastily even as she squeezes Josh’s arm and feels him shudder back to the moment. _Crow flying past window_ lands on the page as he makes the most see-through excuse she’s ever heard from him, and _no sudden sounds or music_ sprawls onto the paper as she stands, tucking everything hastily and unorganized into her bag. Senator Vinnick gives Donna a knowing look as she places her hand on the small of Josh’s back, and she’s surprised to see concern instead of political triumph.

“Donna,” he calls, standing as they step away from the table. She pauses, weighing helping Josh versus listening to Vinnick quickly in her head. “I’m available the rest of the morning if we need to continue this meeting. Feel free to show up without warning; I’ll see you immediately.”

Mildly helpful, not worth the precious seconds. Josh has his arms around his chest, scratching at his elbows. “Thank you, Senator.”

Josh lets his hands fall to his knees and drops his head, breath short and sharp. Donna curses herself silently for letting Arnie Vinnick of all people delay her. “One more minute,” she tells him softly, gently, hand frozen in place on his back for fear of triggering something worse if she moves it. He pulls himself up and, with visible effort, puts on a largely unbelievable professional face as he turns toward her and Vinnick.

“One. Minute,” he bites out.

“Let’s go.”

Vinnick clears his throat, and Donna jumps when she finds the senator at her elbow. Josh of course reacts more violently, jerking backwards so hard he nearly falls over. He grabs wildly for Donna, nearly crushing her hand as he regains his balance. The senator winces but speaks anyway. “I don’t mean to intrude, but I find that I suddenly need to be elsewhere. You’re welcome to use my office to, ah, compile notes for as long as you need. My staff will not share anything beyond our scheduled meeting.”

Donna glances at Josh. She’s still not sure if this is a panic attack or an anger explosion - though she’s entirely sure they’re the same thing, for Josh - but his facade is fading fast. Too fast. There’s no way she can get him to their designated safe spot in time. “Thank you, yes,” she decides quickly.

The senator nods sharply and, without another word, heads straight for his office door. He hesitates with his hand resting on the handle before turning back to the pair. Donna’s glad Josh is facing her instead of the door; he has tears tracking down his face, tears he doesn’t seem to feel, and his knuckles are white over her screaming hand. “How can we help?”

She took stock of the room as they came in, a new habit that’s been forming since Leo assigned her to go everywhere with Josh. She knows there’s a couch with cushions he can throw, a couple of generic coffee mugs if he needs to break something, and (surprisingly, for a Republican senator) nothing too valuable to need removing from the line of fire. “A blanket. Heavy. If you have one. Otherwise, nothing. Nothing’s happening. Please,” she adds as an afterthought, feeling tears start to gather in her eyes as the bones in her hand grind together.

“I’ll see what I can find.” Vinnick slips out of the door without opening it any farther than necessary.

When the pair finally emerge half an hour later from the senator’s office - hastily put back into order - the staffers are all working and don’t spare a single glance for Josh and Donna. She hides her wince as Josh notices their extreme focus and shrinks into himself the smallest bit. Senator Vinnick is sitting in the chairs normally reserved for visitors reading a newspaper.

“I wasn’t sure of your schedule, but I had Annie notify Leo McGarry that our meeting was running over,” he says without lowering the paper.

“Thanks,” Josh says quietly. “For everything.”

Vinnick takes his time folding the newspaper, and Donna stifles a giggle when she sees he was reading Dear Abby. “You and I disagree on a lot, Josh, but I respect you as a leader in your party. More than that, I respect you as a man. Man to man, it’s my responsibility to help when I’m able. I know you’re the same way even when you try to hide it. We play the same game in this building, but some things aren’t part of that. The game is off right now. You’d do the same for me if our roles were reversed. Man to man, there’s no need for thanks.”

Josh is nodding from the middle of this short speech, but it’s Donna who speaks as Josh silently studies Vinnick’s face. “Man to man, do you guarantee the same privacy Josh and I would give you?”

The older man nods once, not breaking eye contact, and Donna returns the nod, satisfied. She’s by no means a fan of Arnold Vinnick’s politics, but she’s seen nothing but integrity in him in her time in DC.

“Man to man,” Josh says with a quiet snort, “there is need for thanks regardless, and now we’re definitely done with that particular phrase. Especially you, Donna,” he adds with a trace of his cocky smirk creeping across his face. “Shall we?” 

For some reason, he’s offered her his elbow, something he only does for formal appearances or in the privacy of senior staff alone. Donna can’t help but smile as she takes it, even though she’s well aware of the ramifications should they appear this way in public - or on the front page of a newspaper, photo leaked by a Republican aide. They drop the pose in the same moment, two steps from the door of the outer office.

“You’re ready,” Donna murmurs as Josh hesitates. She knows he is, just as she knows he doesn’t quite feel that he is. “Game time.”

He nods and pulls out his cell phone, dialing Leo before they even clear the threshold of the office. Donna pulls out her smallest notebook, the one with the doodle of an old-fashioned telephone on the front courtesy of a bored Josh, and readies herself to take notes as they walk out for a taxi. She sees Vinnick return to his office, calculating politician face back on, and nods to herself. Game on.


End file.
